Are you a Mom with a crush on someone who is not your husband? Dr. Robi Ludwig says this doesn't mean you are a bad person who is about to cheat. She says there can be a positive ego-boosting aspect to these surprise crushes. This is providing you do not act your crush obviously. Fantasizing is ok though Dr. Robi Ludwig said on the Today show.
Here's the good news: Having a secret mommy crush doesn't mean you're a bad person, about to have an affair, in a bad marriage and/or that you married the wrong guy. So why do these crushes happen?
Secret crushes can make a woman feel like a woman again. It's hard to feel like your sexy self when you're constantly cleaning up dirty laundry, dirty diapers, helping the kids with homework or cooking all the time. Sometimes being a mom and wife, although terrific in countless ways, can get a woman feeling more like a servant than a supermodel.
Having a crush is really less about the other person and more about us having the feelings we want to have, i.e., like feeling alive, excited, exciting and beautiful. Sometimes crushes are motivators to do something nice for yourself, like work out or buy something pretty and new, activities that some moms have a hard time doing for themselves. Secret crushes, when not acted on, are safe, sexy yet simultaneously ego-boosting. This intoxicating feeling often happens during transitional moments in a woman's life.
So the next time you find yourself having a secret crush, just enjoy it! All it really means is that you're still alive and remember what it's like to feel like an attractive woman. Then go and use that extra zest for life to enjoy your fabulous husband and wonderful kids. Happy fantasizing!
Just don't tell anyone about your secret mommy crush because then it won't be a secret anymore. The Today show link also includes a video.
Psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig is also the author of a book about more serious relationship issues. It's called Till Death Do Us Part and it's about killer spouses.
